What will it take for me to be happy and stay happy. I feel so unfulfilled. I don't understand it. I'm blessed. I don't complain so much for attention or for people to feel sorry for me. I honestly am depressed. God could bless me with a million dollars and I would still feel the same. Starting to think I need to talk to someone about this. I feel so alone. It's all I know is to be alone. There is no point in me looking for a boyfriend. I have nothing to offer him. My life is my kids. We couldn't even go out on dates. My life sucks big time. Why? Bcuz I'm always sad and depressed. It's so hard raising my kids by myself. Simple things like going to the grocery store is like an adventure for me. I don't know it's my fault I chose to have kids I guess. Tired of people looking at me like damn she has all them kids. "Wow, your hands or full". Yea I know. But I love my babes. It's my life. Why did my life turn out this way? I don't even look the way I want to look. I go to places that have clothes for me and skip right over it because I know it's no use. I can't afford it. My kids need more than I do. Things that make a woman feel pretty and good, I don't have. I have been wearing the same clothes and shoes for years now. But I really don't care because I'm not a clothes or shoe person but it would be nice to just feel pretty one day. Makeup, getting my nails done, pedicures, hair being done every week or things foreign to me. I don't even know what life would be like if I could do all that. I envy girls who have all this and have a group of girlfriends they go out with. I don't know. I guess I feel more comfortable being alone. Always have. This is me venting. I might feel different tomorrow. That's depression. One minute im up and then down for no good reason.